dailydiatribes

I really like watching my birds at the feeder.  With this little cold spell, the traffic has increased dramatically and there are tons of birds.  I was standing there yesterday and I got to see a bird fly at the window, realize he was heading for disaster and pull himself out of it at the last possible second.  I could see little dialogue bubbles over his head screaming "danger, danger...abort!!"  Between the computer and the bird feeder, I waste a lot of time.   

The bird feeder is a lot like the steam tables at the Golden Corral.  The bird seed is plentiful, much like the fried okra and creamed corn.  But when I watch my little birdies, they flit to the feeder, grab a seed, maybe two, and then they fly away.  Even though the food is plentiful, the birds do not feel the need to sit there at the bird feeder and stuff themselves silly.  Honestly, have you ever seen a fat bird???  Have you ever seen a bird who couldn't fly because he ate too much seed, so instead of flying, he lounges around in the nest, watching Dr. Phil and eating bon bons?

I conjecture it's because birds stop eating when they're full.  They are programmed to eat until they are satisfied unlike humans who, when faced with a buffet full of food swimming in butter, will eat until they have to be rolled away on a gurney as they try to stuff one last pork chop in their mouth. 

People lose all sense of perspective when faced with an all you can eat smorgasbord.  Their brains go haywire and they start eating rapidly and compulsively, afraid someone else will get to the last piece of fried chicken before they do.  I don't generally overeat because I instinctively understand I am not personally liable for world hunger.  Children in Africa will continue to starve whether I gorge myself at the buffet line or not.  There's no reason for me to try and finish all the food because me getting fatter is not going to solve anything. 

Squirrels, unlike birds, will jump on the bird feeder, hang upside down and shove their little rodent noses right up into the opening and gorge themselves until they fall off or I slam my hand against the window and scare the hell out of them.  Consequently, all the squirrels in my yard are fat as cows and are probably really good eatin'!  Squirrels certainly exhibit the Golden Corral syndrome, as I have dubbed compulsive over eating.

I know if squirrels lived like we do, they would circle the parking lot for fifteen minutes, burning up valuable fossil fuels and destroying the ozone layer as they look for the spot closest to the front door of Wal-Mart.  Once in the front door, the squirrel would find one of those motorized carts in an effort to avoid expending any precious energy by walking.  If forced to use a regular cart, the squirrel would leave it right next to his car after he unloads his Wal-Mart bounty, because God forbid he should walk an extra 25 feet to put it away in the cart holder thingy. 

Birds on the other hand, are stoic creatures.  Their tiny little brains contain just enough information to keep them flying.  There is simply not enough room in there for extras like "let's see who can eat the most bird see and still perch!" 

So that is my theory regarding why birds will never be obese like squirrels and people.  They eat until they're full!  Now if you'll excuse me, I need a snack!