Loser Loser Loser
I have several acquaintances suffering under the burdens of illness or pain. Some have cancer, some have chronic pain, and some suffer from that not so fresh feeling and painful, burning itching. Myself, I have been pretty lucky. Until recently.
My children attended vacation Bible school last week. One night, there was a church service, followed by a potluck supper. Lured by the promise of not cooking, I made plans to attend. The service was fine and the kids sang the little songs they had learned during the week. Not being afflicted with a whole lot of pride, I enthusiastically joined in, much to the dismay of the 16 year old cousin.
Imagine my horror, when, during the "Yes Lord" song, I learned that I could no longer perform the "Loser" sign with my left hand. Everyone else was doing thumbs up and then an L. I could do the thumbs up, but I absolutely could not make my thumb bend down into an L; it stopped at a sort of "V". So instead of Yes Lord, I was doing kind of a ridiculous Yes Victory, Yes Victory, Yes Victory, Yes. At least that's how it looked on my left hand!!!
Yes, it's true, I have afflicted with flexornoloseroitis of the left thumb. I literally cannot force it down more than 15 degrees or so. Or maybe it's 30 degrees, I failed geometry. Whatever the degrees, I simply cannot make my thumb go down. It doesn't hurt, but I can no longer hurl out the double loser sign to those who offend me.
I do not think I was born this way. I am pretty sure I used to be able to do "loser" with my left hand. I am puzzled as to why it is the left hand afflicted, since I am right handed. What could cause me to lose this ability?
My theory is excessive blogging. In order to better serve my public, I have taken to blogging three or four times a week. The excessive repetitive motion has taken its toll on my body and has robbed me of a vital insult tool.
I will no longer be able to belt out the lyrics of "All Star" and make my "finger and thumb in the shape of an L on my forehead..." No longer will I be able to taunt my children with the double loser sign. In fact, my taunting is now limited to the single loser variety.
I am thinking that if I lose powers of speech and hearing tomorrow, I will be in deep doodoo, since my range of motion is limited. I won't be able to spell out any words with a double L, so that elimnates, hell, hello and pillow. My communication will be limited to "heo how are you? ovey weather today. I ove you." You get the idea.
Do you remember Electric Company and the ode to silent "e"? I need to compose an ode to the "l": who can turn a he/into a hell/who can turn a kne/into a knell/our skinny little friend the L!! Who can turn a ha/into a hall/who can turn a wa/into a wall....wait, maybe I'm on to something here.
I do not think the letter "L" gets enough recognition as the vital member of the alphabet it is. Oh sure, vowels are all good and well, but you can't love anyone without an "L". And you sure can't Lick a Lollipop or Learn a Language without an L.
So anyway, here I am, crippled but still blogging away, oh faithful readers. I guess I will have to go see Renee at some point and hold up my hand and when she asks me what the victory is, I'll tell her it's not a victory, it's a loss!!!
