dailydiatribes

Ok, I haven't written anything lately because I am bored!!  I have nothing witty or amusing to share with anyone.  So I am just going to rant!

First, I'd like to welcome a new reader to the blog:  Hey Shirley!! 

I have three different drafts saved that I haven't published because none of them seem interesting enough to go on about for several paragraphs.  So I think I will condense them here.  It's the Reader's Digest Condensed Blog!!

First of all, does anyone read the society pages?  I actually live for The Scribbler, as the column here in Birmingham is called.  My favorites are the debutante balls and then the various ladies charity events.  I scrutinize the names very carefully, but I have yet to find any mention of my close friends anywhere, leading me to believe I need to keep better company!

Or perhaps I need to start submitting write ups of my parties.  Something like....Guests at the Hoover home of Dr. and Mrs. Tim Brunner (gotta throw the title in there!!) enjoyed an evening of karaoke and conversation Sunday night. An elegant buffet of cocktail wienies in ketchup, meatballs in barbecue sauce, and chips and dip was set up for guests to visit in between sets on the karaoke machine.  Beer and moonshine flowed freely, loosening the inhibitions of the invited guests.  The party lasted well into the night, until the neighbors called the police and several of the guests were cuffed and booked for public intoxication and indecent exposure.  

Some friends seen at the buffet table included:  Layton and Teensy Bauer of Pelham; Mark and Cookie Vincent of Maylene; and Rance and Figgy Cleary of North Shelby County.  Other guests included Kiki and Bobby Willis of Brook Highland and Dava and Billy Fant of Shelby County.  

The guests who were arrested included Kristie "Teensy" Bauer, Chuck Blackwood and Lisa Deleon  Blackwood was arrested after stripping down to his shorts in the street in front of the home and singing Elvis Pressley's "Teddy Bear" while gyrating his hips lasciviously.  Police were called to the scene and after a brief scuffle, subdued Blackwood and cuffed him. 

Bauer was arrested for public intoxication and lewd behavior.  After downing 5 shots of peppermint schnapps, Bauer was found wrapped around a column on a neighboring house and performing a pole dance.  "But it's my birthday," she was heard to howl as she was led away.  Deleon was arrested after exposing her breasts to the arresting officers and yelling "Have you  met the girls??" 

Well, ok,  I guess my parties are never going to be covered in the Scribbler. 

The next topic I was going to touch on was visiting Cracker Barrel with 15 children.  I went on the last day of school with Margie and Dava.  Between us, we had 15 assorted children, which made for a very interesting morning!  The waitress was absolutely the best I have ever had.  She was so good and patient!

But it got intersting when the five year olds started running from our table to the checkers game by the fireplace and back again, often pausing to dance in the middle of the room, as 5 year old girls are inclined to do. There was an elderly couple sitting between us and the aforementioned checkers game and they were not enchanted by the twirling girls. 

The lady in particular looked most sour.  She was, at the most, 115 and wearing hot pink pants.  She would stare at the girls and then mutter something to her companion, then stare, then mutter and on and on.  It was quite amusing really.  I don't know how she could get her fork to her mouth since she never took her eyes off of the 15 children for a second.  Mean people suck!!

Alright, I guess that's it for now.  I have to go enjoy Memorial Day festivities with the in laws.  Maybe I can get into the Scribbler for that!!  "A Memorial Day cookout turned tragic after a Hoover woman stabbed her inlaws repeatedly with a plastic fork..."  Hmm, watch the papers!!