dailydiatribes

I got a complaint from my legion of adoring fan that I am not blogging enough to satisfy her.  First of all, it is very hard to get on this site, esp at night.  Second of all, it is very hard for me to continue to be sarcastic, ironic and witty on a daily basis and still get the laundry done.  And C, I am lazy.  So unless this position starts paying , my posts are going to be infrequent.

All that being said, lets get down to my topic for today, which is, well, nothing.  I really have nothing in particular to rant about, so I will just free associate and see what happens.

First of all, as I was trying to fall asleep last night, I was suddenly wide awake, pondering the word "unruly".  The prefix suggests that an unruly person is one who is not ruly.  So is ruly a word???  If unruly means out of control, does ruly mean in control?  Instead of an unruly bunch of children, can you have a ruly bunch??  If you can have a ruly bunch, then why don't they live at my house?

Next topic:  Roy Moore.  Can he seriously be elected in this state?  Do I need to put my house on the market now?  Are we all going to have to post the 10 commandments in our yards to avoid the Roy Moore Gestapo??  If Roy is elected, I am moving.  However, I can still blog from North Dakota, so don't be alarmed.

Have you ever read the police blotter in the Wednesday paper?  If you need a chuckle, check it out tomorrow.  People list the most bizarre stolen items.  Last month, someone reported a pair of panties as stolen.  It did not say whether they were crotchless, thong, or anything like that.  Just panties.  One time, someone reported a danish missing.  Just like that, a panic started and people began locking up their pastry, afraid that the bear claw burglar would strike them next.  Seriously, read it.  You will be glad you did.

Spring break....when did I become the source of all entertainment on the planet?  I have three children gazing at me with expectation, waiting for me to pull a 3 Ring Circus out of my rectal area.  I would say ass, but this is a PG blog.  I don't believe I ever waited for my mother to entertain me.  She kicked us out of the house at 8 a.m and we didn't show up until suppertime.  I suspect there were just as many child molesters and axe murderers (too many "er's"??) then as there are now, but we didn't have the benefit of CNN to scare the bejeezus out of us!  So why do I have to entertain the children?  I want them to entertain themselves and leave me alone so I can blog and play Pogo.

I hate American Idol.  There, I said it, it's out there and I can't take it back.  What a stupid show!!  It's a bunch of would be karaoke singers assaulting my ears with their rendition of the latest Mariah Carey tune.  It's bad enough she assaults my ears with it so do I have to suffer through someone with no vocal training belting it out?  It's completely staged and there is nothing at all spontaneous about it.  And if Randy Jackson says "Dawg" one more time....I actually don't watch the show, but there is so much media saturation you don't have to; it's on every commercial!

So I made chicken last night in an effort to avoid mad cow disease and Josh had a fit.  He was convinced he was going to get bird flu from the damn chicken.  He was actually afraid of the bird and voiced this to me.  I cannot win here.  I think we are going to start eating Tofu. 

I am going to start my own disease called Insane Heifer Syndrome.  I really like the name:  IHS.  I am not sure what they symptoms will be, but I think it might constitute someone on a mad rampage for chocolate.

Ok, enough silliness.  I will try to think up something new and entertaining tonight!!