dailydiatribes

I imagined this out last night after several Cosmopolitans, so it may not be quite as funny now as it was in my drunken stupor.  But I shall persevere and write it down anyway.  You never know, I may be able to catch a vodka vibe and get it right!

I was in a public bathroom a couple of weeks ago and there was a line.  But one stall was open. I walked up to it, just as another lady walked past it, clearly trying to avoid any contact with the offending stall.  I looked in, and sure enough, someone had left a doodie in the potty.  I went in, flushed it and then proceeded to do my business, thereby circumventing the line.

So here's my question:  why are people so afraid of flushing fecal matter?  It's inanimate, so it's not going to jump out of the toilet and bite you if you try and flush it.  I can promise you will never read the following headline in the New York Times:  Killer Turd Tears Out Throat of Woman Trying to Flush.  Not gonna happen.

Yes, it's gross to see someone else's poopy.  No one loves to see a bowel movement.  But they are out there and occasionally, we are called upon as Christians, to flush them down and send them on their merry way out to pollute the watershed. 

I prefer to think public poopies are an accident of fate.  No one sets out to take a dump in the Wal-Mart bathroom, but every once in awhile, it's unavoidable.  You're out running errands, you drive through Taco Hell and get a bean burrito and the next thing you know, it's coming back through.  There is no time to go home and get all comfy on your own toilet, with your own copy of Reader's Digest.  No, you are forced to use a public toilet to rid yourself of that pesky burrito.  

The flushing problem usually results when the poopy is a two flusher and the pooper does not take the time to adequately judge the size of the poopy.  Bean burritos are especially notorious for producing a large poopy.  So the pooper flushes the toilet and walks out to wash her hands, not realizing that one flush is not getting the job done.  Therefore, the next person to enter the stall is faced with an unflushed poopy and then has the unpleasant task of sending the poopy away.

So why not flush it??  Why not just grab the handle (or use your foot, which is what I usually do) and get rid of it??  Why do people tiptoe around and wrinkle their noses and generally act put out because there is an unflushed poopy in the room?  Come on people, it's just a bean burrito (and maybe some salsa, a couple of fried eggs and a sleeve of Peeps) and it's not going to hurt you.  It doesn't smell good, it's not pretty, but it has rights too.  It has the inalienable right to be flushed away and sent off on the next stage of its poopy journey.

So the next time you're in the Wal-Mart and you open a stall door and see a poopy, just get a grip.  Walk in and confront it.  Share your feelings with it.  Get to know its perspective.  And then flush it.  It can't hurt you and you can only grow from the experience.